It’s 1:41 am…I’m listening to Jasmine Star’s 2014 OC Photo Summit on youtube. She’s talking about how to make your business better. That’s why I’m up…constantly trying to figure out how to live my dream, follow my parents’ footsteps in being a successful entrepreneur. Lately, I’ve been thankful for all the online workshops that have taken the photography world by storm. Meg Bitton has inspired my headshot sessions, Erin Tole has inspired my improved baby skin and wrapping, Rachel Vanoven has helped with my family sessions and posing, and the Milky Way Online Newborn Retreat, specifically Emily Lucarz session helped with my recent lifestyle session, among so many other influences. Truth is…I’m a fast learner…it’s the perfectionist in me.

 

“Capturing love by an artistic perfectionist” has been my logo since day one. It is pretty much an oxymoron if you think of it, because artistry isn’t perfect. I’ve always been called a perfectionist in the corporate world. It’s a blessing and a curse, as Monk would say. As a musician I’ve always been praised for my artistry. So when I created my  business I merged the two. And besides sometimes people saying autistic instead of artistic perfectionist…most people like it.

 

The downfall with being an artistic perfectionist is, I get tired of doing the same thing. It’s the creative side. The perfectionist in me, loves to do something over and over until I perfect it. It’s always a battle of the brains during any session. Most people would say I’m pretty quiet during a session. I need to think. If I’m not quiet, I’m pretty much a jokester. I love to laugh! But the quiet allows my creativity to win the battle of what the perfectionist is telling it to do.

 

My dad was a successful glazier. He grew up in Anderson, SC and only had a 6th grade education…I think. He was a depression era baby with success and determination a prominent part of his motivation. My mom was a baby boomer that was in real estate then changed careers to education. She obtained her PhD in her 40s. She found the love of her life teaching in her 40s…there’s hope for me! I also think about my  ancestors. I know they would be proud, but it’s a gage that stays with me and pushes me towards always being better.

 

Again…I’m up late…or early. Whatever! (The glass is half full or empty.) I want to find this fountain of youth of clients that flood my phone and want ME! Maybe it’s too quick. I’ve only been in Texas for 8 months, and although previously a photographer…it was part-time. Is a year too quick? Too ambitious? Am I talking myself out of being a photographer? It’s the non-perfect side of running my business. The part I don’t like! It’s not perfect…heck it’s not even art.

 

Honestly,  I don’t want a lot. My perfect week I’d have 4 babies and 2 headshots. I’d love to advertise mini sessions where they sell out in minutes. I digress…but mini sessions generally haven’t been my thing. I try, but continuously get disappointed at the excitement I put into them, and maybe 3 people sign up. It’s late, and I’m just reflecting…ho hum…

 

Back on topic. The corporate world…well…visions of accounting policies are dancing in my head. It will be a year this April since I’ve been to an “office job.” I still relish the day my hubby and I ambitiously started this trek to our early midlife change. Ha! The move was for family reasons…but we were very excited to pack up and go. Yet, the accounting world, well the paycheck, is calling me. And I’ve been trying to fight it… It’s why I stay up late. I study, I try to perfect myself. If I could only study for the CPA as much as I study for photography. Oy! The true imperfections of a perfectionist on display here. Not knowing when, where, or how this whole big move is going to work out in the next coming months.

 

It’s 2:47 am…my eyes are heavy…this will probably make no sense in the morning…no one will even read this…I really like using ellipses… … … …